“I’m calling to say good-bye” – Chad says goodbye
Chad started slowly “Andy called me. It was in June around Father’s Day. I saw his number pop up and thought that he probably just wanted to talk. That wasn’t it at all. He started by saying what the issue was “Hey I just wanted to let you know that I’ve got to have this emergency heart surgery. I need to have the procedure but doctors don’t really think I’ll make it through I and … if I elect not to do the surgery the best they can do is try to make me comfortable”. Andy went on “if I don’t get the surgery, I won’t last but a few days – so I’m calling to say good-bye”. Chad was floored … “I’ve never received a phone call like that in my life, never. I’ve never been impacted like that before either. Listen, I don’t quickly connect with people. I tend to meet people in passing but with Andy it was different, I was very connected to Andy. We talked almost every day.” Chad slowed down, choked up, but held it together. “On that first call, I cried. After all he called to say goodbye. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way about death, even though I’ve lost family members. But I let Andy into my life into my home and this was hard. I hung up and quickly wondered what I had even said. I started pacing the house wondering how this call could have ended so quickly. Did I say all I wanted to …?”
I talked to Ashley about it. I wanted to call him back. I wanted to say more. But what? Should I call him? Was it the right thing to do? Is there a right thing to do in this situation? Ashley encouraged me to call. I called him back and he answered. We talked for a bit. I told him it was going to be alright. I said – I‘ll see you again this side or the other. (Movie quote from “The Town”) Andy was crying. I couldn’t let him leave this world without a few more seconds together. I ended the call with I love you.
I was so relieved when I got the news the next day that Andy had the surgery and had pulled through. Our conversations that followed were all about the plan he was on to get healthy and get the transplant.
Dungeons and Dragons – Chris has regrets
I asked Chris if he had any regrets about his relationship with Andy. He was very open “I let work and what is going on in my life get in the way of enjoying myself or getting connected to people. Andy would have liked me to call him more. I wish I would have spent more time with him. I talked to Andy before Chad and Ashley left to visit him in Nashville and he was so excited to share that he was getting visitors. I wish I would have attended more of his Pinball and pizza nights but I thought I was too busy. We had board games we had lined up to play before he went to the hospital and we never played. Now I really try to make it a point to connect with people. If there is a chance to meet new people, I tend to take it now.”
In the next few minutes the conversation shifted and although I was there to interview, for the next 10 minutes, I just sat back and listened.
Chris went on … “One way I’m trying to connect is that I’m trying to get newbies to learn D&D and having game nights on Sunday nights – Chad interrupted – hey I want to learn how to play! Chris shot back…Well then tonight is the night! Come play with us and learn the game. This led to a lengthy conversation about the details of D&D: where to learn, available study books, and places to play on-line, advice on how to play. The discussion continued unabated for over 10 minutes. Between two avowed introverts. I couldn’t get a word in edgewise. It was so cool to see how excited Chad was to learn from Chris and, in turn, how excited Chris was to teach him. Right in front of me I saw Andy still at work, still connecting people, still alive in a very real way. The best part of the interview and I didn’t ask a single question.
“Cancer didn’t define him” – Andy’s impact
Courtney was eager to share her thoughts on Andys impact “He made me want to be kinder person. Andy loved everybody and everybody was Andy’s friend. It really does make you want to be more kind or loving. I would say” Chad quickly added “I think that when you think that something in your life is going wrong – think about Andy “he had cancer and didn’t give a crap – it didn’t define him” He was never a down guy”. Chris noticed this “I don’t think that Andy needed much … Pinball, Pizza and his friends are what made him happy. It has caused me to consider what makes me happiest. Sometimes work and things I need to get done tend to crowd out people in my life. Andy helped me see that.” He continued “my world was so much smaller before Andy. Now I have tons of acquaintances and friends and most of those people were connected to me by Andy. Andy had a gift with connecting people. He never met a stranger. On the first day we opened, I was talking to my employees and they all kept mentioning Andy like they had known them for years” Chris talked about the blessing of friends “I have always been very reserved but Andy never met anyone that he didn’t like as a friend”. I’m forever grateful to Andy for my 2 closest friends in the world – it was Andy that introduced them to me”
Ashley had some of the same thoughts I did “I think it just slows you down. Sometimes you get those calls from friend or family and ask yourself “do I want to take that call?” They should be your priority. Time with them should trump time with things or other people. He helped me become more of a compassionate person”
I switched gears and asked Chad about the AC/DC Pinball that I heard about. The story was that Chad had offered his nearly new AC/DC Pinball to be placed on location with all of the proceeds going to fund Andy’s medical bills. I also heard that Chris and Courtney had agreed to make the space and donate the portion of funds they would normally get as well. Chad was reluctant to share. Chad is a humble guy. I prodded and finally Ashley began “All of the sudden Andy got sick and I was asking Chad for thoughts on how we might be able to give back to him. After all he gave us so much of his time. Chad then jumped in “He had helped me get us our AC/DC, he helped me mod it, fix it and learn how to use it. He was there every step of the way as I built my collection. He examined games for me. Set up games when I did not know how. He was so giving of his time. So we decided to move our AC/DC to Token with the thought that with Chris and Courtney’s blessing, all the proceeds were to go to Andy. Chris and Courtney cheerfully made the space for the fund raising AC/DC machine. Immediately, the funds began to pile up. Courtney said “When the ACDC was brought in, we made some social posts about it. We had people come in and ask about the specific machine that was “for Andy” and they would walk to it, put tokens in and walk away – just to make a donation. They would say things like “Hey I can’t stay but can I get $20 in tokens for Andys machine?” and then they would put the tokens in and leave. Chad added “The fear of losing someone brings out extreme generosity.”
Here’s the best part of that AC/DC story … and it’s so Andy. He saved all that money. And it was a lot of money. Just one more example of stuff meaning less to Andy than people did. Shortly before Andy passed away, he told Len to give all the AC/DC money back to Chad. Andy couldn’t fathom a use for it. Len was a good soldier and told Chad what Andy had instructed. Chad would have nothing of it. He won’t take the money back. The money will be used for Ida, just the one thing Andy cared about above anything else. Bravo Chad and Ashley.
Courtney – “Listen. Andy’s impact was big. There are people that I have known who have passed away and when they passed I was sad but with Andy it’s different. His passing was a real loss. A painful loss. We won’t let him be forgotten. You see with Andy, we want to remember him, we want him to still be with us, we want to tell people about him because people like Andy are so rare …
Closing the Token interview
The interview went even better than I had hoped. Andy really had a knack at picking friends. These were wonderful, caring and kind folks. We all had the same overall experience with Andy but the personal perspectives were unique and wonderful to hear. Just before we finished, Courtney shared a profound insight. She said “I noticed when Andy was sick it was hard to get a true read on how good he was doing because he never complained.” I agree with that. I also think it was hard to judge the impact of his illness because Andy really was doing well most of the time – at least that’s what Andy believed, and I think it’s because that was how he did life. He was never owned by his sickness. His personality did not change. His positive attitude did not change. How he treated people did not change. His kindness did not change. Cancer tried to change Andy – but cancer lost that battle. He simply stayed being Andy.
As I edited our interview it was easy to see the commonness between all of our encounters with Andy. I didn’t know Chris or Courtney and I had only met Chad and Ashley once but our stories have the exact same themes running through them. Themes like Andy always talking about Ida. Themes like almost everyone in this story being introduced to each other by Andy. Themes like his patience, his inability to complain about anything. His deep interest in people first. His amazing, palpable friendship.
So there we sat. 3 guys. I wouldn’t call us loners but no one would call us the social butterflies of the male race either. Like Chad said so perfectly “I meet people in passing”. He was right – I was the same way. I didn’t take the time to engage. I didn’t take the time to get to know someone. I didn’t invest enough in others. Then, all at once, Andrew Henderson changed all that. The evidence of his impact was to be found no further than 3 feet from each of us on that beautiful Sunday afternoon in Token Tavern. Andy had only been gone a scant 9 days and here we sat – together. Three men and two ladies (4 of the 5 avowed introverts). It was Andy that had brought us together. We gathered in a quiet corner of Token Game Tavern for a few hours to talk about him, his impact on others and to share our deepest feelings of loss. We cried in front of each other and smiled each time we shared another example of the kindness only Andy could show. Andy was a once in a lifetime friend
Page back Click to continue to part 6 – American Dream Tues.
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