Andy – part 5

“I’m
calling to say good-bye” – Chad says goodbye

Chad
started slowly “Andy called me. It was in June around Father’s Day.
I saw his number pop up and thought that he probably just wanted to
talk. That wasn’t it at all. He started by saying what the issue was
“Hey I just wanted to let you know that I’ve got to have this
emergency heart surgery. I need to have the procedure but doctors
don’t really think I’ll make it through I and … if I elect not to
do the surgery the best they can do is try to make me comfortable”.
Andy went on “if I don’t get the surgery, I won’t last but a few
days – so I’m calling to say good-bye”. Chad was floored …
“I’ve never received a phone call like that in my life, never.
I’ve never been impacted like that before either. Listen, I don’t
quickly connect with people. I tend to meet people in passing but
with Andy it was different, I was very connected to Andy. We talked
almost every day.” Chad slowed down, choked up, but held it
together. “On that first call, I cried. After all he called to say
goodbye. It’s the first time I’ve ever felt this way about death,
even though I’ve lost family members. But I let Andy into my life
into my home and this was hard. I hung up and quickly wondered what I
had even said. I started pacing the house wondering how this call
could have ended so quickly. Did I say all I wanted to …?”

I talked
to Ashley about it. I wanted to call him back. I wanted to say more.
But what? Should I call him? Was it the right thing to do? Is there a
right thing to do in this situation? Ashley encouraged me to call. I
called him back and he answered. We talked for a bit. I told him it
was going to be alright. I said – I‘ll see you again this side or
the other. (Movie quote from “The Town”) Andy was crying. I
couldn’t let him leave this world without a few more seconds
together. I ended the call with I love you.

I was so
relieved when I got the news the next day that Andy had the surgery
and had pulled through. Our conversations that followed were all
about the plan he was on to get healthy and get the transplant.

Dungeons
and Dragons – Chris has regrets

I asked
Chris if he had any regrets about his relationship with Andy. He was
very open “I let work and what is going on in my life get in the
way of enjoying myself or getting connected to people. Andy would
have liked me to call him more. I wish I would have spent more time
with him. I talked to Andy before Chad and Ashley left to visit him
in Nashville and he was so excited to share that he was getting
visitors. I wish I would have attended more of his Pinball and pizza
nights but I thought I was too busy. We had board games we had lined
up to play before he went to the hospital and we never played. Now I
really try to make it a point to connect with people. If there is a
chance to meet new people, I tend to take it now.”

In the
next few minutes the conversation shifted and although I was there to
interview, for the next 10 minutes, I just sat back and listened.

Chris
went on … “One way I’m trying to connect is that I’m trying to
get newbies to learn D&D and having game nights on Sunday nights
– Chad interrupted – hey I want to learn how to play! Chris shot
back…Well then tonight is the night! Come play with us and learn
the game. This led to a lengthy conversation about the details of
D&D: where to learn, available study books, and places to play
on-line, advice on how to play. The discussion continued unabated
for over 10 minutes. Between two avowed introverts. I couldn’t get
a word in edgewise. It was so cool to see how excited Chad was to
learn from Chris and, in turn, how excited Chris was to teach him.
Right in front of me I saw Andy still at work, still connecting
people, still alive in a very real way. The best part of the
interview and I didn’t ask a single question.

“Cancer
didn’t define him” – Andy’s impact

Courtney
was eager to share her thoughts on Andys impact “He made me want to
be kinder person. Andy loved everybody and everybody was Andy’s
friend. It really does make you want to be more kind or loving. I
would say” Chad quickly added “I think that when you think that
something in your life is going wrong – think about Andy “he had
cancer and didn’t give a crap – it didn’t define him” He was
never a down guy”. Chris noticed this “I don’t think that Andy
needed much … Pinball, Pizza and his friends are what made him
happy. It has caused me to consider what makes me happiest. Sometimes
work and things I need to get done tend to crowd out people in my
life. Andy helped me see that.” He continued “my world was so
much smaller before Andy. Now I have tons of acquaintances and
friends and most of those people were connected to me by Andy. Andy
had a gift with connecting people. He never met a stranger. On the
first day we opened, I was talking to my employees and they all kept
mentioning Andy like they had known them for years” Chris talked
about the blessing of friends “I have always been very reserved but
Andy never met anyone that he didn’t like as a friend”. I’m
forever grateful to Andy for my 2 closest friends in the world – it
was Andy that introduced them to me”

Ashley
had some of the same thoughts I did “I think it just slows you
down. Sometimes you get those calls from friend or family and ask
yourself “do I want to take that call?” They should be your
priority. Time with them should trump time with things or other
people. He helped me become more of a compassionate person”

I
switched gears and asked Chad about the AC/DC Pinball that I heard
about. The story was that Chad had offered his nearly new AC/DC
Pinball to be placed on location with all of the proceeds going to
fund Andy’s medical bills. I also heard that Chris and Courtney had
agreed to make the space and donate the portion of funds they would
normally get as well. Chad was reluctant to share. Chad is a humble
guy. I prodded and finally Ashley began “All of the sudden Andy got
sick and I was asking Chad for thoughts on how we might be able to
give back to him. After all he gave us so much of his time. Chad then
jumped in “He had helped me get us our AC/DC, he helped me mod it,
fix it and learn how to use it. He was there every step of the way as
I built my collection. He examined games for me. Set up games when I
did not know how. He was so giving of his time. So we decided to move
our AC/DC to Token with the thought that with Chris and Courtney’s
blessing, all the proceeds were to go to Andy. Chris and Courtney
cheerfully made the space for the fund raising AC/DC machine.
Immediately, the funds began to pile up. Courtney said “When the
ACDC was brought in, we made some social posts about it. We had
people come in and ask about the specific machine that was “for
Andy” and they would walk to it, put tokens in and walk away –
just to make a donation. They would say things like “Hey I can’t
stay but can I get $20 in tokens for Andys machine?” and then they
would put the tokens in and leave. Chad added “The fear of losing
someone brings out extreme generosity.”

Here’s
the best part of that AC/DC story … and it’s so Andy. He saved all
that money. And it was a lot of money. Just one more example of stuff
meaning less to Andy than people did. Shortly before Andy passed
away, he told Len to give all the AC/DC money back to Chad. Andy
couldn’t fathom a use for it. Len was a good soldier and told Chad
what Andy had instructed. Chad would have nothing of it. He won’t
take the money back. The money will be used for Ida, just the one
thing Andy cared about above anything else. Bravo Chad and Ashley.

Courtney
– “Listen. Andy’s impact was big. There are people that I have
known who have passed away and when they passed I was sad but with
Andy it’s different. His passing was a real loss. A painful loss. We
won’t let him be forgotten. You see with Andy, we want to remember
him, we want him to still be with us, we want to tell people about
him because people like Andy are so rare …

Closing
the Token interview

The
interview went even better than I had hoped. Andy really had a knack
at picking friends. These were wonderful, caring and kind folks. We
all had the same overall experience with Andy but the personal
perspectives were unique and wonderful to hear. Just before we
finished, Courtney shared a profound insight. She said “I noticed
when Andy was sick it was hard to get a true read on how good he was
doing because he never complained.” I agree with that. I also think
it was hard to judge the impact of his illness because Andy really
was doing well most of the
time – at least that’s what Andy believed, and I think it’s because
that was how he did life. He was never owned by his sickness. His
personality did not change. His positive attitude did not change. How
he treated people did not change. His kindness did not change. Cancer
tried to change Andy – but cancer lost that battle. He simply
stayed being Andy.

As I
edited our interview it was easy to see the commonness between all of
our encounters with Andy. I didn’t know Chris or Courtney and I had
only met Chad and Ashley once but our stories have the exact same
themes running through them. Themes like Andy always talking about
Ida. Themes like almost everyone in this story being introduced to
each other by Andy. Themes like his patience, his inability to
complain about anything. His deep interest in people first. His
amazing, palpable friendship.

So there
we sat. 3 guys. I wouldn’t call us loners but no one would call us
the social butterflies of the male race either. Like Chad said so
perfectly “I meet people in passing”. He was right – I was the
same way. I didn’t take the time to engage. I didn’t take the time to
get to know someone. I didn’t invest enough in others. Then, all at
once, Andrew Henderson changed all that. The evidence of his impact
was to be found no further than 3 feet from each of us on that
beautiful Sunday afternoon in Token Tavern. Andy had only been gone a
scant 9 days and here we sat – together. Three men and two ladies
(4 of the 5 avowed introverts). It was Andy that had brought us
together. We gathered in a quiet corner of Token Game Tavern for a
few hours to talk about him, his impact on others and to share our
deepest feelings of loss. We cried in front of each other and smiled
each time we shared another example of the kindness only Andy could
show. Andy was a once in a lifetime friend

Page back           Click to continue to part 6 – American Dream Tues.