“He got me out of my comfort zone” – The Darin & Amy Interview
When I asked Darin how he first met Andy, the answer was similar to mine“ Andy first reached out to me via Pinside post. Heck, Andy was the first Pinball person I met.” When I pressed for details on the first face to face – again, similar to my experience “Andy came over to my house to play Pinball and then within a few days, I found myself standing in his house playing Pinball and talking like we had known each other forever. One of my favorite memories of Andy was the evening we came together with Rotor Dave who was visiting the US from New Zealand. Andy was having a great time.We played a little pinball but we talked and ate even more! Amy made some fantastic ribs. Dave, Fiona and Danni were all there. Danni schooled us on my Wizard of Oz Pinball. This is the kind of thing Andy loved. Getting together with friends. It was an unforgettable night.”
I wondered what it was like for Darin meeting Andy for the first time. “One of the things that struck me very early on was that he was super easy to be around. Just to hang out with. It showed me that I had been living in my own little bubble and that without his outreach I would never have met not only him but lots of other great people as well. Andy and I talked on the phone almost every other day. We would talk Pinball, family and some faith things as well.” I asked Darin why he thought his relationship with Andy was so important to him. “He got me out of my comfort zone. It felt good. Neither one of us judged each other. In fact Andy seemed incapable of it. I considered him a true friend and our backgrounds or professions did not matter. It’s one of the things that made me feel good about being connected to so many new people. It wasn’t just Andy that I met, I kept meeting lots of other people – all connected to Andy. I’m an introvert. Not extreme, but I’m nowhere near as outgoing as Amy. I don’t have dozens of good friends. I have acquaintances. My wife Amy, our kids, work, etc. are so important to me and take up most of my time. So the time and the relationship that I had with Andy was so important. I asked Darin the same question I had asked of myself – Was Andy your best friend? Darin took as second to think “In many ways, yes. If friendship is gauged in total time spent talking to each other, yes. Comparing Andy to all the other people in my life, Andy is at the top of the list.”
I asked Darin how Andy impacted him the most. “Andy’s impact? I think he impacted how my teenage boys view me. Andy was here at the house – a lot. Sometimes it was Pinball related, sometimes just talking about life. Just Andy being around showed them that I preferred to hang around with Andy not “just doctors” and other medical professionals. It showed them that people mattered first for who they are not what they do.”
Now it was Amy’s turn. “I could sum up Andy’s impact in one word -“Joy”. We had plenty of late night talks and hanging out as he popped in to the house over the years. No matter what happened in Andy’s life, he was always Joyful and positive. I just loved his goofy little laugh.” Amy paused just a second as she caught herself, choked up and began again. “My last great memory of Andy was at Tokens, when I talked to him about how he was doing. He said“I’m doing great”, “I’ve got this”. Amazing. If you did not know him, it was easy to look at Andy and say “he’s not sick”but at that very time he had just had a port installed under his skin, was undergoing chemotherapy and he was getting multiple transfusions on a routine basis.” I cut in to ask how she saw Andy share that joy with others. “It was his demeanor, his character. He was always so positive, encouraging. No matter the issues in Andy’s life, he was the same. And that sameness was always high in joy and hope. Andy was giving. If Darin had one thing wrong with a Pinball, he was there to help him with it. It went beyond even Pinball. I swear, if we had called and told Andy we had a headache, he would have come over to help. Pinball games were just a way for Andy to love on others. He used it to connect with people. Half the time Andy came to play pinball but he and I would hang in the kitchen to talk for an hour. I loved him.
“Look at her” – Darin, Amy, Andy & faith
I knew that Darin had bravely discussed faith with Andy but I knew almost no details. I know from talking to Len and JoAnne that Andy was saved when he was very young but what about just before I met him? I asked Darin to fill in the details. “So, I was asking Andy if he was involved in church. He told me that he wasn’t and I quickly invited him and Ida to our church Easter egg hunt. Andy was pleased to attend and brought along both Ida and JoAnne. At the time Ida was around 2 years old. Amy went on to say that her best memory “was looking at Andy as he smiled at Ida while she danced and twirled at the end of the aisle at church as the praise music played. Andy would grin from ear to ear and was so proud to watch her do that. He would say “look at her” – a proud father looking for confirmation that she was the most beautiful thing on earth. Andy, Ida and JoAnne continued to attend church with Darin and his family off and on for the next 2 years.
“Are you sure?” – Darin gets the June call
It was June 2018 and I was at the local Regal Theater waiting to watch a movie. It was my sons 16th birthday. I got a call from Andy. I answered and I remember him being extremely short of breath and raspy. He told me the details. The fact that he had fluid on his heart … and not much else. He shared that he didn’t think he would make it through the night. I found myself standing there in shocked disbelief in the lobby of the theater. I lost focus for a second and could sense the hustling and bustling of all the theater goers around me. I then took that opportunity to confirm with Andy that he knew Christ. I asked him – Are you sure? I know that we talked about this stuff before. Andy said absolutely – yes. Thinking back on the call, I might have been asking him as much for my own sake as is. He hung up. I was like holy crap. This is surreal. I got done with that phone call and walked into the movie to sit down with my family. I had to go be with my son for his birthday. Looking back it was like experiencing the complete opposite spectrums of life at the exact same time. My friend potentially dying within hours and on the other side, I’m being a dad to my boys. It’s like how many times in your life do you get that call. People in my life have died, but none have made that call to me first. I still don’t know how to process that call. I still can’t remember what the movie was.
Amy shared what she saw in Darin as he reacted to the call. “We only had a moment before the movie started so he briefly told me that Andy called to say goodbye. Darin’s lip was quivering as he told me. He was very emotional. His eyes were bloodshot. He was devastated but holding it together for the boys. After the movie we had time to share the details and if there is one thing that stands out was that I was blown away by Andy’s encouragement as he told Darin he was ready to die. He was dying but still being Andy – worried about others.
“Andy was the same” – Andy passes away
Darin, like the rest of us, struggled to remember the very last time he saw Andy face to face. With Amy’s help, they recalled the evening details. “The last time I saw Andy he and Blake came over it was sometime in February. Amy had bought Andy some O’Doul’s beer because alcohol was now off limits due to his illness. They had come over to play pinball. but as usual we ended up talking more than playing! We talked about our planned family spring break trip to the beach, we talked family life, we talked about Ida and we talked and talked. I asked how Andy seemed on that last visit. Not surprisingly Amy answered “Andy was the same. Same level of Joy. Same positive attitude – same Andy.”
The toughest part of any of these interviews is when I ask about Andy’s passing. Just asking the questions is hard. Darin began “Len called me with news. The clinical knowledge that I have as a surgeon told me that the prognosis was not good. Even so, I quickly thought that it was just so weird to even be hearing this because I had just talked to Andy the week before. He had sounded great, he wasn’t winded at all. He talked about the upcoming Nashville Pinball show. About me arranging a trip with Tim [me] and I to visit him. The plan was to play as much pinball as his strength could bear. In fact, after I talked to him that prior week, I shared with Amy how great I thought he was doing. This was all so surreal. It just did not make sense. What the heck just happened? Back in June he called about his heart surgery. We all thought we were going to lose him then – he even called us to say goodbye. But we didn’t lose him. He made it through the surgery. He survived and then slowly improved every month. Then just last week I call him and was so pleased to hear how great he sounded only to receive a message from Len saying he would likely not make it. That’s why I was so shocked.” Amy added “I’m missing the joy he brought – it was bigger than life. It’s hard to swallow that he’s gone.”
“I wish I could have been a better friend” – Darin shares his regrets
I have 2 regrets about my relationship with Andy:
- I wish I would have been able to hang out with him more. I wish I could have joined Blake and him for Tuesday Pinball. I realize of course that I have family responsibilities, I just could not be with him as much as I wish I could have.
- I wish I could have been a better friend.
“Andy didn’t judge” – Amy summarizes
Amy is amazing. She was able to put into words what Darin and I could not. “Andy was able to bring people together from all walks of life. A surgeon, an executive, business owners, an entrepreneur, a tech professional- all came together as friends of Andy. Each has shared that they saw him as a benchmark on the friendship scale. In the end we all admired Andy. This incredibly diverse group looked up to Andy. In fact, we admired him. Andy didn’t judge anyone. Andy never compared himself or others to anyone. He loved all for who they were.”
I ended the interview. We had cried some and shared some beautiful Andy stories in the few hours we were together. It was time to go anyway as it was late on Sunday evening and Darin’s family had yet to have dinner. The plan was for a breakfast style dinner and the kids were excited. Just before we hopped in our car for the trip home we shared hugs all around. It seemed so strange not to have Andy as a part of this gathering – and worse, to know that he would never be with us again.
Page back Click to continue to part 8 – Proud of Andy
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