You are the rose of my heart
Exactly 30 days after Andy passed, friends and family all gathered in a West Knoxville funeral home to celebrate his extraordinary life. It was a joyous day, it was a sad day. It was a stunningly bright east Tennessee fall day made brighter in some ways by the fact that we were all together to share beautiful stories of Andy and at the same time dimmed by the fact that Andy just wasn’t here anymore …
It was a beautiful event. The place was full and some folks had driven from as far as 16 hours away to say goodbye and to share their memories of Andy. We arrived around 1pm and had a moment to say hello and share some hugs with Len and JoAnne. It was evident that today – even a month on from Andy’s passing, was going to be a little tougher than the 30 days in between. Today it was real. We were all “officially” saying goodbye.
We sat on the padded benches and watched images of Andy fade on and off the big screen TV at the front of the room. Even now the memory of those images are as fresh as they were just days ago. It was hard to see Andy again and again in such life affirming photos. He loved to live. He loved to love. The pictures were right there to prove it. We sat down on the opposite side of the reserved family section, but Len saw us over there and quickly shepherded us to the “family” side.
Before the service began, I jumped out of my seat to go to the front and snap a quick picture of the stage area that the family had set up. There was a beautiful flower arrangement on the left. A fantastic image of Andy and Ida in the middle – all smiles and joy! To the right was Andy’s Scally hat and his Oakley’s and a beautiful urn made by a family member. The formal service began at around 2pm and as the Reverend was preparing for the invocation prayer we were all treated to Johnny Cash singing “Rose of My Heart” in honor of Andy’s daughter Ida Rose
You are the rose of my heart,
You are the love of my life.
A flower not fading nor falling apart,
If you’re tired, rest your head on my arm.
Rose of my heart.
Following the invocation, there were 6 scheduled speakers prepared to share expressions of love – I was 5th on the list and hoping I could hold myself together long enough to share what was on my heart. JoAnne bravely began this part of the celebration and shared how as parents they had always wanted Andy to become a man that would love and respect others and be loved in return. She said they could never have imagined just how well he had achieved their wishes.
Darin spoke just ahead of me and shared his heart for Andy in such an authentic and personal way. He told of how positively Andy had impacted his young sons and his entire family. He spoke about the call each of us had received from Andy just after Father’s Day.
I shared my heart as well but framed my thoughts in quotes from others that I had gathered as I wrote this memorial tribute. To be honest, it was the only way I could get through it – sharing others comments that mirrored mine. Even then I struggled to maintain composure, but managed to finish.
What I shared that day has relevance as we close out Andy’s story. I wrote this tribute to Andy because I felt compelled to. I almost couldn’t help myself. It all took place so fast I was a little unsure of what exactly had happened. So I took a few minutes to sit back and capture what I had learned in the process. I narrowed my longer list down to just 5 and this is what I shared at Andy’s Celebration of Life service
1) Andy was Andy first. He never allowed his circumstances or his illness, life challenges, etc. to define him – [Courtney shared a profound insight. She said that she noticed when Andy was sick it was hard to get a true read on how good he was doing because he never complained. I agree with that. I also think it was hard to judge the impact of his illness because Andy really was doing well most of the time – at least that’s what Andy believed, and I think it’s because that was how he did life. He was never owned by his sickness. His personality did not change. His positive attitude did not change. How he treated people did not change. His kindness did not change. Cancer tried to change Andy – but cancer lost that battle. He simply stayed being Andy]
2) I looked up to Andy. It took Amy to point that out [Amy – “Andy was able to bring people together from all walks of life. A surgeon, an executive, business owners, an entrepreneur, a tech professional- all came together as friends of Andy. Each has shared that they looked up to him, saw him as a benchmark on the friendship scale. In the end we all admired Andy. Yes, we admired him. Andy didn’t judge anyone. Andy never compared himself or others to anyone. He loved all for who they were.”]
3) Andy connected people. Almost everyone I interviewed said the same thing about the other people described in the story – “Andy introduced them to me” [Chris – “I have always been very reserved but Andy never met anyone that he didn’t like as a friend. I’m forever grateful to Andy for my 2 closest friends in the world – it was Andy that introduced them to me.”]
4) Pinball wasn’t the story. I noticed that partway through the writing process. So here I will quote myself. [Tim P – Pinball is the platform he used to connect with people. I never saw it until now. I began this writing journey thinking that a significant amount of the content would be Pinball related. Clearly the story took another direction. It’s a much richer story than that. It’s a story of Andy setting the best example I will ever see in my life of how to live with, engage with and love your fellow man.]
5) Being a great friend is super hard. Maybe one of the hardest things anyone can do. Try to live up to Andy’s standard. It’s really high. I asked Blake about this in our “American Dream Tuesdays” interview. He said, without hesitation. [BLAKE – “Andy made me realize how much a friend can mean to you. How valuable the human element is to life. Time is limited. You can choose several roads. Andy thought that people and relationships were most important. He showed me that this was the high road. It was also the harder one. Andy taught me to be a better friend and showed me that the harder road was worth it.”]
We closed out the Celebration of Life that Sunday with a Michael W. Smith song “Friends are Friends Forever” and I cried lightly as it played. When we were dismissed all of us were invited to Token Tavern for food, friendship and some fun – Andy would have loved that
The Token event was a hit. Chris and Courtney provided food for everyone. they had all the Pinballs on free play. It struck me as I looked around the place that everyone was engaged in conversation. Nothing was awkward about it. No one seemed alone or left out of the conversation. It was “easy”. It was low key but not subdued. People were laughing and genuinely enjoying themselves. I thought of Andy right away and smiled to myself.
A day after Andy’s service, JoAnne shared a post on Facebook that originated from Nicole Ann Johnson-Hurst. Nicole is a dear friend of Andy’s and traveled all the way from New Hampshire to pay her respects. She has been friends with Andy for over 15 years. The post included a picture she took of Ida Rose sitting in front of the painting of her and her daddy. It was taken at the Funeral Home just outside the entrance before the guests arrived. The image takes my breath away and is difficult to look at.
If you can get past the intense sadness it makes you feel for Ida, you realize that in a very real way, Andy is still with us. Look closely at the picture again. You’ll see part of him, the part he loved more than anything in the world, is sitting right there in that black and red checked dress. As she grows, what a blessing she will be to others – the same way her Dad was to me.
Tim Purcell – November 13, 2018
Dear friends, let us love one another, because love comes from God. Whoever loves is a child of God and knows God.
John 4:7
This effort would have been incomplete without the cooperation of the folks listed at the beginning. Len and JoAnne, Chad & Ashley, Chris & Courtney, Blake, Darin & Amy and Tom. This is Andy’s story told by his family and made rich by his friends. I can’t thank them enough for their patience and the time they committed to these interviews. All of these discussions took place with 2 weeks of Andy’s passing and that’s not a lot of time to compose yourself. Emotions ran high during the interviews but not a single person shied away. No subject was off limits either. Both family and friends gave me complete freedom to “write as I saw fit” and I’m grateful for the opportunity.
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If you are reading the book (print) version of this story, the cover design credit goes to Ben Kershaw. He designed the logo and it’s “all Andy” with the Boston Scally hat and pinball head. Great job Ben, I know that Andy would have been proud. The image is shown below and was used by permission from Ben.
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